Non-compliance
is universal and normal. It is a problem when it is excessive and disrupts the
daily life. Children have individual personalities and their own likes and dislikes.
However, children need to follow reasonable directions from parents, teachers,
and other adults. When they don’t it is a source of frustration and stress to
adults’ life.
Non-compliance
may have many causes. For example:
- Your child
may feel that she has little control of many aspects of her life.
- Your child
may have a skill deficit and could resist directions because they are difficult
or overwhelming for her and so, may not be able to organize herself to begin
the task.
- Your child
may be experiencing stress at school and then express it through non-compliance
at home.
- Your child
may be sensing your stress.
- Your child
may have a personality that leads her to be non-compliant as an expression of
independence.
Most
disobedience can be avoided all together or at least reduced by taking the
following steps:
1. Try breaking down complex tasks into
small steps, and ask your child to do one at the time. Cleaning up a messy
room, for example, can be overwhelming. By starting with one or two toys or
pieces of clothe can be very helpful in achieving compliance.
2. Give your child choices when possible.
For example, instead of telling her what to wear, ask her if she prefers the
red or blue shirt.
3. When giving your child a direction, be
sure it is a realistic expectation and not a way of venting your frustration.
4. Be sure the direction is clear and
concise. Establish eye contact first. Start with a positive comment or
interaction before giving a direction to perform a non-preferred activity.
5. Be consistent. If you allowed your
child to jump on the couch yesterday do not expect her to stop when you ask her
today. If you discontinue the direction because your child throws a tantrum you
are teaching her that you don’t mean what you say.
6. Give your child time to process the
direction. Asking your child to stop watching TV right now might be a recipe for
disaster. Prime her by telling her how much time is left until TV is over. Tell
her it will be time to come to dinner after the video is over. In that way you
provide your child with time to prepare for the transition.
7. Some children may need visual
schedules along with verbal directions. In addition having a picture schedule
provides predictability and thus, reduces anxiety. Visit your child’s classroom
or Google “Visual Schedules” for creative and motivating ideas.
8. Motivate by making a preferred item
or activity contingent on following directions. “First eat your vegetables and then
you can have dessert.”
9. Avoid giving directions when
frustrated or stressed. If you are late to school asking your child to put on
her shoes is not a good idea. Put them on yourself.
By following
these relative simple strategies you’ll make your life easier and have more
time to enjoy your kids. And don’t tell yourself you don’t have the time. Dealing
with challenging behaviors is more time consuming and damages the parent-child relationship.
Daniel
Adatto, BCBA
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